I shouldn't really be stunned over the fact that funerals make me think about things, but nevertheless, I didn't sleep well for two nights thinking about a friend's mother who just died. It was just too sad to not give it proper internal recognition. Really, I was thinking about myself, and about my mother.
I saw her two weekends ago in Atlantic City and promptly told her, "don't ever die, just don't." It was in that weird, "I'm-trying-to-be-funny" way that really was a red flag of distress, and her response had the same strange matter of fact tone.
"It will happen probably soon," she said, "maybe ten more years."
This made me sick.
I drove home feeling like something was sitting on my chest.
Earlier this month my friend Jill had her second baby, which looks like a wonderful, pink little old man. He seemed to come into the world politely; being three weeks early, he only required a few pushes from his mother, and there he was.
And there it was: life, day one. He spent most it with his eyes closed, like we all did, I guess. Plenty of time later to look at his mother, her dark hair, her eyes. For a short time, I think it's the only thing he'll see. Of course he will watch his father's face, but it's not the same. She was the first thing he ever saw.
My friend Allison went with me to our friends' mother funeral service. When someone read to us from Proverbs about a woman's virtue ("for her price is far above rubies") I sat there pondering how lofty and impossible expectations are in the Catholic faith.
They want us to be everything, I thought. Virtuous, giving, believing, strong. Raise your children and be a good wife. Don't ask for anything in this life for yourself. The reward is to come. It sounds like a scam.
Allison had a different take entirely.
She sat there crying softly, whispering she couldn't fathom leaving her little daughters behind without a mother. I watched her pray, almost stubbornly. She might will herself to live forever. She has to live forever. She's a mother.
Who can find a virtuous woman?
For her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her,
so that he shall have no need of spoil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life[...]
She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household,
and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously,
but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain:
but a woman that feareth the LORD,
she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands;
and let her own works praise her in the gates."
(Proverbs 31:10-31, KJV)
